Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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