You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
