Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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