I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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