How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
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I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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