Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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