i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I need to wash the frat house off of me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize