Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Someone signed my nipple.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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