is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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