This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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