I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
