i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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