I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
