'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
