Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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