shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
