smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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