You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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