I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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