Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
