I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
