Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
