I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
