So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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