You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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