Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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