Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
only you would photoshop your dick
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
