she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
