Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
