ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
