The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
