did you get engaged???
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
