I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
