So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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