Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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