i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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