He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize