It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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