I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
