idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
