she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
