So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize