i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
