some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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