Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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