i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize