Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
