Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
