Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
