I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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