Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
A+ Viking dick
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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