I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
