Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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