There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
