chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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