I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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