3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
