hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize