I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
