There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just high enough for therapy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
