my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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