yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
