We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
