apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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