I think I won the penis lottery.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
