Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
