dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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