This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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