I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
