Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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