Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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