I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize