Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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