Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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