Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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