so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
