hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Acid is not a monday night drug
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
