i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
