i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize